Something wise(-ish)

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A few years ago, I started trying to convince my parents to move from Michigan to California to be closer to my family and me.

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They resisted for a while. Just like those parents from that recent Feedback Friday letter who refused to even consider leaving their home even though they were struggling to walk up and down the stairs.

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We had to have a lot of conversations about their fears, the downsides to leaving, the upsides to moving closer, especially as they get up into their 80s.

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Over a long period of time, “not a snowball’s chance in hell” became “we’ll see” became “we’ll think about it” became “so, if we did this…”

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Then, one day, my parents called me. There was a new tone in their voice. Not excitement, exactly. But a certain openness. And a new resolve.

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“Okay,” my dad said. “We’re ready.”

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So I helped them put the house on the market. Found them a new place right across the street from us. Moved them out.

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It wasn’t easy. In some ways, it’s still not easy. My mom misses her friends. My dad is still finding his rhythm in our suburban town.

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But they know that the costs of staying where they were — dealing with Michigan winters, missing out on watching their grandkids grow up, needing help as they get older — became greater than the anxiety around stepping into a new chapter with us.

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As I said on that episode, getting them out here took a mix of patient handholding and benign manipulation.

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I had to appeal to their emotions — their joy as well as their fear — in order to make them see that this was the right move.

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I’ve been thinking about that a lot this week. When it’s okay to gently coerce someone into doing what’s best for them. When you have to let someone have their way, even if it’s not the best decision.

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It's a tricky dance.

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But I’m grateful my parents trusted me. That they were open to a new narrative.

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Because that’s what these big decisions are, right?

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When we’re trying to persuade someone, what we’re really doing is something very primitive.

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We’re telling them a story.

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Sure, we need to appeal to their brain.

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But at the end of the day, what we really need to do is appeal to their heart.

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This reminds me of something Ken Burns shared in our recent interview with him.

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“A good story is like a benevolent Trojan horse,” he said. “It comes in at night. It doesn't come out and kill you or destroy the city. It just says, ‘Oh, there may be another way to look at this.’”

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That’s one big reason Ken’s documentaries have resonated with people across the political spectrum, across cultures, across generations.

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Because a good story — well told — bypasses the rational mind and neutralizes binary thinking.

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It makes people go, “Oh, I didn’t know that,” instead of saying, “Actually, that’s not how it is.”

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Logic still matters, of course. There’s a place for analysis and argumentation. And if you’re going to do something like move your parents across the country at 80-something years old, you better have thought it through.

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But when it comes to convincing someone…

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When it comes to enchanting someone…

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When it comes to moving someone, emotionally and literally in my case...

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There’s nothing like a great story.

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So if you’re trying to recruit someone to your side, or turn your analysis into a pitch, or just capture someone’s attention…

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Try taking a short trip below the shoulders, and tell them a story.

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It really is the greatest technology we have.

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Have you found this principle to be true in your world? Struggling to make use of it?

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Hit reply and tell me about it. I’m all ears!

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On the show this past week

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​1242: Christopher Whitcomb | A Life Among Spies Part One​

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​1243: Christopher Whitcomb | A Life Among Spies Part Two​

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​1244: Connection Crisis Corners Calculating Courtesan | Feedback Friday​

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​1245: Black Friday | Skeptical Sunday​

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