Wee Bit Wiser

by Jordan Harbinger

Get wiser

Of all the tough letters we get on the show, some of the hardest for me are from people whose loved ones are caught up in romance scams.

When we hear these stories, I find myself wanting to shout, “That woman who refuses to meet you in person is just after your 401(k), bro! That guy in your DMs is not actually Johnny Depp, girl! Wake up!”

We’re hearing about people who are captive to a con. A dangerous one.

They want to believe in the lie.

Or maybe they just want to avoid letting go of it.

Because the cost of admitting that they’ve been participating in the con — which they often know on some level — is just too high.

So they keep feeding the delusion. And then they lose their life savings. Alienate their friends and family. Fail to find truly loving, meaningful, rewarding relationships.

It’s heartbreaking.

But these stories also make me think about the other fantasies we buy into. The ones that are way less obvious than a romance scam. The ones that don’t scream “fantasy” or “delusion,” but are just as dangerous.

The fantasy that we can accomplish everything in life.

The fantasy that nothing bad will happen to us.

The fantasy that we can be universally liked and approved of.

The fantasy that if we just keep doing what we’ve always done, our results will magically change.

The fantasy that all of this won’t be over one day.

The list goes on and on.

You might not be caught up in a story as overtly dangerous as a romance scam.

But as a human being, you’re definitely caught up in some kind of story.

And all stories, by definition, are flawed, limited, limiting.

(Even when they're helpful sometimes. Even when they're partly true.)

It’s easy to judge people who fall victim to dodgy narratives.

But we’re all victims to some kind of narrative.

You don’t have to be explicitly scammed to be held back by certain ideas.

Sometimes the person “conning” you is… yourself.

So as we come to the end of the year, take a moment and ask:

Which stories am I buying into?

Are they helping me or are they hindering me?

If someone else made me believe in these stories (like a romance scammer does), would I appreciate that person or would I be wary of them?

Answer those questions honestly, and you’ll start to see your life a lot more clearly.

A new year is an opportunity to develop new stories.

Or at least to simply put some of them down.

Have you found this principle to be true in your world? Struggling to make use of it?

Hit reply and tell me about it. I’m all ears!

On the show this past week

1254: Justin Houman | Wiggling Out of the Male Fertility Crisis

1255: Abbie Maroño | Mastering Persuasion with Social Engineering

1256: Cheatin’ Heart Yearns for Return to the Start | Feedback Friday

1257: Kratom | Skeptical Sunday

Support Our Sponsors

And speaking of the stories we tell ourselves…one of the sneakiest?

“I can do it all alone.”

But big goals require the right people—right now. Upwork Business Plus connects you with top freelancers and AI-driven recruiting so you can hire fast, move faster, and keep every project on track. Skip the delays. Skip the overhead. Get straight to results.

Spend $1,000 and get $500 back in Upwork credit — offer expires 12/31/2025. End the year ahead with Upwork Business Plus.