Something wise(-ish)
When I was younger, I used to pick up and put down hobbies a lot.
I’d get super pumped about a topic or skill, go absolutely ham for a couple months, then — when the high wore off, the challenges became clear, and I realized how long it would take to excel at it — I’d quietly give up.
Then I’d find something new. And the cycle would repeat.
It took me a while to realize that when you hit a wall, what you actually come up against is yourself.
You’re not just facing an obstacle “out there.”
You’re facing a quality in here.
The part of you that is responding to the obstacle. Sometimes even creating it.
Yes, projects can get hard, confusing, boring. Of course they can.
But more often than not, what that actually means is that you’re struggling to find solutions, you’re not sure what to do next, you’re withdrawing interest.
What we encounter when we “hit a wall” is extremely valuable information.
“This problem is really pissing me off.”
“No one’s around to help me.”
“I’m embarrassed that I can’t figure this out.”
“This was a dumb idea anyway.”
“I’m never gonna get anywhere. I should just give up.”
These thoughts/feelings/meanings are smoke signals pointing to our limitations, our stories, our wounds.
They reflect how we’ve learned to respond to adversity.
They show us where we need more flexibility, more curiosity, more sturdiness.
They teach us where we need to grow.
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I learned a lot about this from books like "The Obstacle Is the Way" and "Grit."
"The Obstacle Is the Way" shows how adversity isn't something to escape — it's the actual material we use to grow.
"Grit" reveals that long-term success isn't about talent or passion alone — it's about learning to stay in the room when things get hard.
These aren't motivational slogans — they're frameworks for understanding why the wall exists and what to do when you hit it.
When I need to reconnect with these ideas, I turn to Accelerated Book Summaries. Ten minutes with the core insights from either of these books is often enough to shift my perspective and keep going.
And that's exactly what I mean when I say those thoughts and feelings are worth staying with.
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Don’t get me wrong:
There are definitely goals that don’t make sense to pursue. Goals that are worth giving up on.
For example, I’ll never be a world-class drummer or a brilliant novelist.
Even if I wanted to, my other goals — being a dad, hosting the show, working out — are more important to me.
And the frustration I’d feel trying to master the paradiddle or learn to spin a crazy yarn — that would probably be a pretty accurate reflection of my talent.
There can be great wisdom in quitting.
But oftentimes we give up on our goals not because they’re not for us, but because we’re giving up on ourselves.
The key isn’t to avoid distress/shame/boredom/disillusionment/[insert unpleasant experience here].
The key is to increase your capacity to bear those experiences, and then figure out what they’re here to teach you.
This is why the honeymoon period has to end.
To show us what our interest is really like.
To show us what we’re really like.
That’s where the real fun begins.
If you’re interested in hearing how this idea played out in a listener’s life…
Check out episode #1,274, where we took a question from a guy with a long history of giving up on various careers and hobbies.
He now wants to go back to school to pursue his dream of being a therapist, but he’s afraid he’s going to hit the same wall — frustration, boredom, disenchantment.
In our response, we talked about how both excitement and boredom can be defenses against the difficult feelings — especially shame — that any important goal brings up.
We also encouraged our friend to become friendlier with those feelings, and learn to tolerate them better in the pursuit of his calling.
This isn’t just necessary for achieving our goals. It’s crucial to being in a deeper relationship with ourselves — and all the people we meet.
Have you found this principle to be true in your world? Struggling to make use of it?
Hit reply and tell me about it. I’m all ears!
On the show this past week
1315: Nicolas Niarchos | The Dirty Supply Chain Behind “Clean” Energy
1316: If His Ex Was a Rebound, Why’s She Still Around? | Feedback Friday
1317: Homelessness | Skeptical Sunday
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