Something wise(-ish)

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We’ve been talking a lot about scams on Feedback Friday lately.

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Romance scams. Job-hunting scams. Multi-level marketing scams.

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Those letters are always entertaining, because from the outside it’s so obvious that the person in question is being taken advantage of.

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We hear them and we go, “Come on, do you really believe this charming British architect stuck in a hospital in Indonesia needs you to send him $500 in Bitcoin urgently? How dumb are you?”
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It’s easy to feel superior to someone who falls for a play as obvious as that.
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But all these stories about overt scams got me thinking about subtler ones.

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The various ways that smart, savvy, high-functioning people can fall prey to other hustles.
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For example, that listener who forked over a ton of money to a locksmith when he was locked out of his house.
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It wasn’t that he was “stupid” or “gullible.” It was that he had a deep fear of conflict that made it impossible for him to push back against that locksmith’s predatory fee, especially while the guy was standing right there on his doorstep.
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That listener was also wrestling with fear and embarrassment about the incident, and we’ll do a lot to put an end to those feelings.
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Also, the clock was ticking, creating urgency, which will do a number on any human brain.

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And so he handed over money he didn’t have to a vendor who knew how to manipulate the situation to benefit himself.
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Is that a scam? Is that a hustle? Or is that just good salesmanship?
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Hard to say.

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What I know for sure is that the locksmith won, and our friend lost.

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I’ll give you a very different example.

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We hear all the time from high performers who get a ton of praise from their bosses.
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But then they aren’t being promoted, given raises or offered more responsibility.
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And they often settle for that, losing out on tons of money and huge opportunities, because being appreciated and necessary means so much to them.
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Which I totally get. Being recognized for your work is powerful. There’s nothing wrong with that.
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But in another way, these folks are vulnerable to being hustled, too.
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Except their vulnerabilities aren’t desperation or greed or naivete.
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Their vulnerabilities are the need to be validated by people in positions of authority. Their desire to be well-regarded by their peers. Their need to be needed. Their sense of loyalty. The pride and gratification they take in their work.

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Of course, all of these qualities are virtues to a certain degree.
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But they also create vulnerabilities that can be just as dangerous as being ignorant, gullible, naive, avoidant, and so on.
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Which is how otherwise bright people often end up being taken advantage of. They might not be caught up in a pig-butchering scam, but they can become victims to insidious schemes that they themselves participate in.
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So if you’re assessing a dicey or manipulative situation, ask yourself:​
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What about me is exposing me to this person or circumstance?

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How can I calibrate or protect that quality?
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And what am I “getting” out of this arrangement? In what way am I participating in it?
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(That last question is the hardest one to answer, but it’s the most powerful. I’d encourage you to really sit with it.)
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Have you found this principle to be true in your world?Struggling to make use of it?​
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Hit reply and tell me about it. I’m all ears!

On the show this past week:

​1192: Eliot Higgins | The Digital Detectives Making Dictators Sweat​

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​1193: Will Marital Ambition Lose to Family Tradition? | Feedback Friday​

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​1194: Endocrine Disruptors | Skeptical Sunday​

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