Wee Bit Wiser

by Jordan Harbinger

Wise up

I met this Danish guy at a party recently. Passionate. Curious. A real zest for life. Let’s call him Mik.

(I can’t actually remember his name, but man, this guy looked like SUCH a Mik, so let’s go with that.)

Mik had just come back from India, where he was attending some lectures by a well-known spiritual guru, whose name I won’t mention because I don’t want his followers dragging me online.

Long story short, he walked away disappointed.

Not so much by the guru himself, but by the structure and vibe that’s developed around him as he’s become more famous.

For example, he had to pay extra to sit closer to the guru.

Which, fine, he said. They need to raise money for the ashram, I get it. And I guess it is pretty sweet to have floor seats at an enlightenment fest.

Then, halfway through his lecture, the guru encouraged everyone to change seats. Like a “new spot, new perspective” thing. Even though a bunch of people had paid extra for the premium seats.

But okay, Mik thought. I’ll play along. And all of his followers nodded along like, “Yep, totally, this is how we do things.”

But when it came time to swap seats, he was the only one who did. His regular students didn’t move.

Also, he said the disciples were all warm and smiley during the lecture. But when he talked to them in the hall afterward, they were cold and standoffish.

Not exactly the experience he flew across the world for.

So he bounced after a few days and did a motorcycle trip through India. Which he said was far more eye-opening than the lectures.

I heard something years ago that makes sense now, he told me.

“Follow the teaching, not the teacher.”

I’ve been thinking about that a lot ever since.

We all want to learn. We all want to grow. And the way we tend to do that is through experts — authors, coaches, mentors, leaders, even peers who have something to impart.

The temptation is to seek those people out. To get closer to them. To build a deeper relationship that will hopefully deliver even more rewards.

Which is perfectly normal. And sometimes it works out great.

The problem is: All humans are flawed. Even the enlightened ones.

And even the pretty flawless ones are surrounded by other humans, who are definitely flawed.

And even if every single person in a teacher’s orbit is perfect (whatever that means), the teacher is still going to be surrounded by some kind of institution — an organization, a space, a culture — that is guaranteed to create some degree of dysfunction.

Of course, all of this gets magnified with teachers who are famous. Because at a certain point, a person with a following needs that structure around them. They can’t operate without it.

And before you know it, you’re paying $300 extra for a seat you can’t even sit in and being given the cold shoulder by your peers. Or worse. We all know that powerful teachers also have the potential to manipulate, coerce and exploit. (See: Every HBO cult documentary ever.)

I’ve learned this lesson myself many times over the years. And I’m always re-learning it. Especially because I get to meet so many outstanding experts through the show.

Does this mean you shouldn’t reach out to people who have impacted you? Am I telling you to never seek a teacher out or build a relationship with them?

Not at all.

I’m just saying: Don’t assume that the only way to enjoy the teaching is to be close to the teacher.

And don’t come to the teacher with too many expectations. You’re bound to be disappointed.

And if you do develop a relationship with them — whether it’s regularly listening to their lectures on YouTube or flying across the world to sit at their feet — know that in all likelihood, the most helpful relationship will probably be with their work.

By the way, the other lesson in Mik’s story is that it’s okay to listen to your gut and bounce when a situation doesn’t feel right. But that’s a whole other newsletter.

So if you’re considering following a teacher — or you’re struggling with your relationship with one — ask yourself:

What am I hoping to gain from this person, above and beyond their ideas?

What expectations am I bringing to this relationship? Are they healthy? Are they fair?

And do I need to invest in this person in order to benefit from their insights?

Answer those questions, and you’ll be in the right relationship with your teachers. More importantly, you’ll be in the right relationship with yourself.

Have you found this principle to be true in your world? Struggling to make use of it?

Hit reply and tell me about it. I’m all ears!

On the show this past week

1189: Edward Fishman | Why the Dollar Is America’s Most Potent Weapon

Feedback Friday

Skeptical Sunday

Support Our Sponsors

Remove your personal data from Google and ChatGPT

Have you ever searched for your personal information on Google or ChatGPT? You'd be shocked to find out what people can find out about you.

Your name, phone number, and home address are just the beginning. Anyone deeply researching you can find out about your family members and relationships, SSN, health records, financial accounts, and employment history.

Incogni's Unlimited plan puts you back in control of your online privacy, keeping you safer from harmful scams, identity theft, financial fraud, and other threats impacting your physical safety.

Use code WISERDEAL today to get an exclusive 55% discount on unlimited removals from anywhere that exposes your data.