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Do you talk too much? Here’s why
Published 10 months ago • 4 min read
Wee Bit Wiser
by Jordan Harbinger
Something wise(-ish)
There’s a law of physics that says that the smaller the space something is confined to, the greater the pressure.
Economics says something similar — the lower the supply of something, the greater the value (assuming demand stays constant).
And we all know that a small, bold piece of art can say way more than a massive, generic one.
I remember seeing the Mona Lisa for the first time and being shocked by how small it was. But then, the fact that it’s so small is weirdly part of its power.
Whatever the medium or context, there’s often an inverse relationship between how much we put out into the world and how impactful that output is.
(And yes, I fully realize the irony of me, a podcaster who blathers on into a microphone for a living, writing a newsletter about how to talk less. But stick with me!)
The same idea applies to how much you speak.
When you bang on about something for a while, the value of each individual word decreases.
When you launch into a meandering monologue, the power of your point gets diluted.
But when you’re disciplined about when and how much you talk, the impact of your words goes up.
If you’ve ever found yourself overtalking — in a one-on-one hangout, in a meeting at work or in a public presentation — then you know that taking up unnecessary space feels frustrating, confusing and often disempowering.
(Unless you’re a raging narcissist, in which case you’re probably not attuned whatsoever to how much space you take up or what other people think of you, and this newsletter isn’t for you. Sorry!)
The more you say, the less impact you have.
The less you say, the more impact you have.
Assuming that what you’re saying is valuable in the first place, of course.
And yet many of us — including the non-narcissists among us — still talk more than is necessary. Why is that?
One reason is that we’re not very thoughtful about how much we actually need to speak.
That one’s fairly easy to address. You just have to be more self-aware and attuned to your audience.
What do you have to say that’s truly valuable?
What does your audience actually need?
Are you talking to contribute something meaningful, or are you talking to perform the role of someone meaningful?
The second reason we overtalk is that using too many words is a crutch.
Sometimes we don’t trust ourselves to be precise and efficient, to simply get to the point.
Sometimes our words become a source of comfort and stability, rather than a delivery mechanism for value.
Sometimes we’re just nervous and drowning in anxiety, and words are like a life raft.
But more often than not, we overtalk to avoid something.
A clear relationship with our own thoughts.
The discomfort of sitting with a question or problem.
The healthy tension of silence.
That last one is especially difficult for many of us to get comfortable with. Especially in group settings, where it can feel like something’s wrong if someone isn’t talking.
When really, the opposite is the case — a lot of talking gets in the way of finding the best solution, whereas silence that leads to clearer thoughts gets us closer to one.
So if you struggle with overtalking — or you just want to make more of an impact with your words — look at how many words you use, how often, and when.
Push yourself to find the fewest words to express the clearest idea.
Only speak when you have something valuable to offer.
Give yourself — and others — the gift of staying quiet when you don’t.
Trust that saying less will only make what you do say more meaningful.
And remember that the flipside of talking is listening — one of the great superpowers.
Oftentimes the best antidote to overtalking is to simply stop and make space for someone else.
Then you get to find out what becomes possible in that space.
And if you’re interested in hearing how this idea played out in a listener’s life…
Check out episode #689, where we took a question from a manager who often found herself speaking far too much in meetings and unable to stop.
In that segment, we talked about how to strike a better balance between active listening and speaking succinctly.
We also talked about how overtalking can be a way to avoid certain uncomfortable experiences — including productive silence.
Have you found this principle to be true in your world? Struggling to make use of it?
In Wee Bit Wiser, every Wednesday I'll deliver the most valuable insights from the most fascinating people in the world straight to your inbox and help you get slightly smarter every week.
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